Scrubs, My Bad Day Part 1 of 2
by Rory McCrossan
Summary: The beginning of the end?


SCRUBS

PENULTIMATE EPISODE – MY BAD DAY

WRITTEN BY RORY MCCROSSAN

DECEMBER 2005

NOTES: 

Given the speculation about whether Scrubs will return for a sixth season (it's contract with NBC only goes to season five), I got to thinking about how I would end the show myself. I began working my way back from the end I thought of until I had too many ideas to fit in one episode. So consider this as Part 1 of 2.

There's only really two assumptions I've made about the plot for the season:  
1) Turk and Carla gave up trying for a baby after Turk came clean to Carla about not being ready yet.  
2) Elliot and Jake spend the majority of the season in a relationship.

I'd like to thank Rachel Liu for help with some of the medical jargon.

There is also a PDF version of this, which is far easier to read than it is below, at www.rewardbankingde.co.uk/5xx.pdf   
So, armed with that information, please feel free to delve on in. I hope you enjoy it. As always, let me know your feedback and comments, my email is rory.mccrossan@p-mm.co.uk 

FADE IN 

**INT. J.D.'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM – DAY**  
J.D. is asleep in bed.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Sometimes you know right from the second you open your eyes, some days are going to make you wish you never had the misfortune of waking up in the first place.

  
He awakens and looks at his alarm clock. It's flashing as if it lost power. The digital display reads 02:12. He reaches out an arm to the other side of his bed, accidentally knocking over an empty glass. 

J.D.  
Crap.

  
He sits up and reaches to the table by his bedside for a wristwatch. He looks at it. 

J.D.  
Oh crap!

  
He leaps up from his bed. 

**INT. J.D.'S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM – DAY**  
He struggles trying to put his scrubs bottoms on as he walks across the room, before landing in a heap on the floor by the couch.

J.D.  
Woo, M&M's. 

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
No, don't have time for breakfast!

He picks himself up and grabs his scrubs top, coat and backpack on his way out of the door. 

J.D.  
Gonna be late! Gonna be late! 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Still it's the little things which happen that keep you going.

J.D. re-enters and runs to the couch. 

J.D.  
Well, it is the most important meal. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**  
TURK walks down the hallway. CARLA comes out from a patient's room and catches up to him. 

CARLA  
Hey, baby, you got a few minutes? I need to talk to you. 

TURK  
If it's about the stains on the ceiling, I can explain.

_**INT. TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT – DAY – FLASHBACK**_

_TURK and TODD stand over a table opposite J.D. On the table are six cans of beer._

_J.D.  
Gentlemen. The rules of Beer Roulette are simple. Before you are six cans. One of these cans has been shaken to the point of bursting. You must select a can and open it. If it does not explode you must chug the contents. If it explodes... you lose. Any questions?_

_Turk and Todd stare each other down. They shake their heads._

_J.D.  
The Gentleman on the left will now commence play._

_A GONG sounds._

**RESUME**

TURK  
Well, you see - 

His CELLPHONE rings, he answers it. 

TURK (CONT'D)  
(to Carla)  
Oh, one sec.  
(into phone)  
Hello. 

**EXT. STREET – DAY**

J.D. is riding his scooter. He has his scrubs top on, although his coat and backpack are only through one arm and are bellowing in the wind behind him.

J.D.  
(into phone)  
Turk! Dude, I need help, I am so late! 

TURK  
(from phone)  
What can I do!

J.D. gives a mischievous grin. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**

CARLA looks on at TURK as she follows him down the hall.

TURK  
(into phone)  
Okay, I got you man. 

He turns to Carla and gives her a peck on the cheek, before running off down the hallway. 

TURK  
Be right back, baby! 

Now alone, Carla stops walking in the middle of the hallway. 

CARLA  
(to self)  
The test was positive. 

**EXT. SACRED HEART, EAST WING ENTRANCE – DAY**

J.D. enters the car park on his scooter and speeds along. As he gets to the entrance he slips off the back and lets the scooter carry on, "ghost rider" style. He runs into the hospital, past a group of nurses.

J.D.  
Just call me Evel, ladies! 

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**

TURK rushes down the hall, dodging patients and staff.

**EXT. SACRED HEART, CAR PARK – DAY**

The scooter is still motoring along by itself. TURK emerges from a doorway and jumps on the back of it, he slams the rear brake on and spin turns it into a parking space.

TURK  
Oh, hell yeah! Come on people, let me hear your love! 

Suddenly a group of interns and nurses gather round Turk and celebrate his prowess. 

GROUP  
Turk! Turk! Turk! Turk! 

BRIGHT WHITE FLASH TO: 

**RESUME.**

Turk is sitting on the scooter, eyes closed, arms raised aloft in victory, with no one around him, it was a fantasy.

TODD  
Turk! 

Turk opens his eyes to see only TODD approaching. 

TODD  
You okay, T-man? 

TURK  
Dude, tell me you saw that. Tell me someone saw that!

Todd shrugs. 

TURK  
Awww, son of a - 

ACT ONE

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**

J.D. hurriedly walks down the hall towards his office. He glances at his watch one more time.

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Ha-ha! The perfect crime. 

He reaches his office and opens the door. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, J.D.'S OFFICE – DAY**

J.D. is greeted by the sight of DR. KELSO sitting in his chair.

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Ah, crap. 

DR. KELSO  
Good morning, Dr. Dorian.

J.D.  
Morning, sir.

DR. KELSO  
How about, seen as you're still yet to start your work day, you and me play a little game? I call it, "Spot the most downright shoddy excuse for an attending in this hospital", and do you know what? I think I win.

J.D.  
Sir, I'm sorry about the lateness, I can explain.

Dr. Kelso sits back in expectation of J.D.'s excuse. 

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Dammit, didn't think he'd go for it. Okay, go with the alarm, it's the truth. No wait, say you thought it was the start of daylight savings. No, that doesn't make sense. Besides, even I wouldn't believe that. Ahh, what the hell, you're going down either way. Flip a coin. 

DR. KELSO  
Well?

J.D.  
My alarm didn't go off.

DR. KELSO  
Oh I see, sport! Did your doggie eat your homework too?

He stands from the chair and approaches J.D. 

DR. KELSO  
Dr. Dorian, if I wanted lame excuses I'd be talking to my housekeeper about the movies on my cable bill. As it is, I expect to see you here early every morning for the next week, and you can bet your life I will be keeping an eye on you. 

He exits the room. 

J.D.  
Should have gone with daylight savings. Stupid coin. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, NURSES' STATION – DAY**

ELLIOT, dressed in casual clothes stands leaning against the counter. CARLA walks over to her.

CARLA  
Elliot? Hi! What are you doing here? 

ELLIOT  
Oh, I have the week off from work.

Carla thinks for a second. 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
It had been two weeks since Elliot had found out Jake had been cheating on her and dumped him. She seemed to be coping surprisingly well. 

CARLA  
So... why are you here?

ELLIOT  
Well, I thought I'd spend some time back at the old place. See how people were coping without me, you know?

Off Carla's look. 

ELLIOT  
I'd finished decorating my apartment and I was bored. 

CARLA  
Ooh, did you go with the rose stencils?

ELLIOT  
Yup, and I got rid of that stupid partition wall in the kitchen too.

CARLA  
Did you get someone in to do it for you?

_**INT. ELLIOT'S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM – DAY - FLASHBACK**_

_ELLIOT stands wearing goggles and hard-hat. Dustsheets cover all her furniture. She pulls a large sledgehammer to her shoulder. Pinned to the wall is a life-size picture of Jake. She starts yelling and screaming as she begins bashing hell out of the picture/wall, starting with the crotch, naturally._

_**INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELLIOT'S APARTMENT – DAY – FLASHBACK**_

_Two of her neighbours emerge from their apartment. They can hear Elliot's muffled screams and the banging._

_NEIGHBOUR  
Sounds like those two are back together then._

**RESUME**

ELLIOT  
Nope, did it all by myself. 

Carla's BEEPER sounds. She checks it. 

CARLA  
Sorry Elliot, I've gotto go. Meet me in the cafeteria in an hour? 

ELLIOT  
'Kay.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
There's nothing like having good friends around to help you through hard times.

DR. COX rounds the corner of the hallway and places a chart on the counter. 

DR. COX 

Well look here, if it isn't Dr. Barbie. So tell me, how goes life in 'Spinster Towers'?

Elliot walks off. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**

TURK and TODD walk down the hallway, Todd dressed for playing basketball, Turk in his scrubs. Todd carries the ball under his arm.

TODD  
Hey, have you seen the new nurse in paediatrics? 

TURK  
No. Why?

TODD  
Dude! I am talking major hot mama.

TURK  
What's her name?

Todd shrugs. 

TURK  
Have you even talked to her? 

TODD  
Why would I need to? I have a camera phone. Watch out, incoming.

CARLA approaches them, walking quickly. 

CARLA  
Don't you move! I need to talk to you, stay right there! 

She carries on round the corner. Turk stops in his tracks. 

TODD  
Did she find out about 'beer roulette'? 

TURK  
No. Besides, I'm more worried about her finding out about 'boiled egg table tennis'.

TODD  
Yeah, that was some night. So, you coming or what?

Turk stands and weighs up his choices for a second. Todd makes 'whipped' noises at him. 

TURK  
Bring it. 

TODD  
Yeah! Be-a-man-five!

They high five and walk off. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM – DAY**

A jovial middle aged man, MR. PETERSON, lays in his bed. J.D. enters the room with a chart.

J.D.  
Hey, Mr. Peterson, how are you feeling today? 

MR. PETERSON  
A lot better actually, now that food is going out the right end again. How are you doc?

J.D.  
Me? I'm living in the day from hell, but thanks for asking.

MR. PETERSON  
Hey, uh, listen.

He beckons J.D. to lean closer to him. 

MR. PETERSON (CONT'D)  
Can you apologise to that nice nurse for me again? I felt so bad after I... you know, I gave her a cheque to pay for her shoes. 

J.D.  
Well that's what happens when you sneak food in when you're not supposed to be eating.

MR. PETERSON  
True, but where's the fun in that?

J.D.  
Anyway, good news, I've got your test results back and everything's clear. So you're free to go home.

MR. PETERSON  
Fantastic, thanks doc.

He reaches out to shake J.D.'s hand. 

MR. PETERSON (CONT'D)  
See, I told you it was just my wife's cooking. We've been married twenty-one years, and I swear she's still trying to poison me. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, NURSES' STATION – DAY**

CARLA is working at the station. DR. KELSO approaches.

DR. KELSO  
Nurse Turkleton, I need you to get a urine sample from the patient in three-fourteen. 

CARLA  
Yes sir.

TURK walks along the hall by the nurses station. 

CARLA  
Turk! Where did you go? Didn't I tell you to wait for me earlier? Look, I really need to – 

DR. KELSO  
Nurse, did I give you an order?

DR. COX arrives and drops a chart on the counter. 

CARLA  
Uh, yes sir. 

DR. KELSO  
Oh, I thought I did. I just wanted to see if you had any specific reason why you were still standing there gossiping?

CARLA  
No sir.

She turns to walk off. 

CARLA  
(to Turk)  
I'll be back for you later. 

She leaves. 

DR. COX  
(to Turk)  
I hope whatever you did was worth it. 

TURK  
So do I man, 'cause I don't have a clue.

Turk carries on his way down the hall, still mumbling to himself about Carla. 

DR. COX  
Say, Bobbo, dare I ask why you seem to be riding the minions more than usual? I mean, you're so damn uptight I couldn't even pull a pin outta your ass with a tractor. 

DR. KELSO  
Enid's sister is staying with us for the week. I ran out of sedatives. You do the math, Perry.

**_INT. DR. KELSO'S HOUSE, KITCHEN – DAY – FLASHBACK_**

_DR. KELSO stands in his kitchen washing up. His dog, BAXTER, sits near him._

_ENID (O.S.)  
Bob, get me a white wine will you?_

_DR. KELSO  
Yes dear._

_ENID'S SISTER (O.S.)  
Yes Bob, and I'll have one too. Make mine a double!_

_The two women cackle in laughter._

_DR. KELSO  
(to Baxter)  
Kill boy! Kill!_

_The dog simply looks at him without moving._

**RESUME**

DR. COX  
Ooh that's tough. 

Dr. Kelso leaves. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, CAFETERIA – DAY **

ELLIOT sits at a table waiting for Carla. The JANITOR notices her.

JANITOR  
Hey, little lady, how are you? 

ELLIOT  
Janitor! I'm... I'm good, I'm okay. I'm... I've been better. How are you?

JANITOR  
You know me, scrub scrub scrub, hard at work.

**_INT. SACRED HEART, CLOSET – DAY - FLASHBACK_**

_The JANITOR sits in a darkened closet asleep, snoring loudly with a book covering his face. NURSE ROBERTS enters. She huffs as she reaches to a shelf and picks up a package. She exits and slams the door hard on her way out. The noise startles the janitor who screams and falls off his chair._

**RESUME**

He takes a seat opposite Elliot, wincing and rubbing his sore posterior as he does so.

ELLIOT  
I'm glad you're here, I could really use a friendly face to talk to. 

JANITOR  
Having a tough time?

Elliot nods. 

JANITOR  
Hey, you know what I do when I'm feeling a bit down? 

He stands and takes Elliot's hand and leads her away. 

JANITOR  
Come on, I'll show you. 

**EXT. SACRED HEART, CAR PARK – DAY**

J.D. walks towards his scooter. It has been entirely covered in pink wrapping paper.

J.D.  
Sasha! Not again! 

He looks around the area for the culprit. 

J.D.  
Janitor! 

**EXT. SACRED HEART, CAR PARK – CONTINUOUS**

The JANITOR and ELLIOT are poking their noses out from behind a parked ambulance watching J.D. trying to free his scooter.

JANITOR  
Et voila! 

ELLIOT  
So it's true! You really do harass him?

JANITOR  
I... thought everyone already knew?

ELLIOT  
Yeah we do.

JANITOR  
Why didn't you say anything before then?

She shrugs. 

ELLIOT  
Meh. 

The two of them laugh. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, ADMISSIONS – DAY**

TURK stands by the front desk biting his nails. J.D. enters.

J.D.  
Hey man. What are you up to? 

TURK  
Carla beeped me and told me to get my "punk ass to admissions" and stay there.

J.D.  
Oh God, you don't think she found the boiled egg you volleyed into the bedroom and couldn't find!

TURK  
Relax, she's not picked that one up on her radar yet. Still don't know what the hell I've done though. So what are you up to?

J.D.  
Well I was going to go out and –

He's interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from DR. KELSO. 

J.D.  
Uh oh, gotto go. 

J.D. escapes into the hallway. Dr. Kelso steps up to Turk. Turk holds up his watch and points to it. 

TURK  
Lunchtime! 

Dr. Kelso growls and walks off. CARLA enters from the hall and approaches Turk. She grabs his hand and begins pulling him along. 

CARLA  
Come with me. 

She stops dragging Turk as she notices a man, J.D.'s patient, MR. PETERSON, walking through the area and collapse on the floor. She turns to NURSE ROBERTS behind the desk. 

CARLA  
Page a doctor! 

She rushes over to the man. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U – DAY**

J.D. walks through on his way back into the hospital.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
One thing I've learned working here, is that no matter how bad things get. 

J.D.'s BEEPER goes off. He checks it. 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.) (CONT'D)  
There's always room for them to get much, much worse. 

J.D.  
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

He turns and runs down the hall. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, ADMISSIONS – DAY**

J.D. runs in from the hallway. A group of interns and nurses, including CARLA and NURSE ROBERTS, have surrounded the collapsed man, MR. PETERSON, who is lying on the floor convulsing amid a fit. J.D. rushes in to take charge. He barks out orders but is drowned out by...

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Although sometimes, all it takes to make your day brighter is someone to make you smile. 

**EXT. SACRED HEART, EAST WING ENTRANCE RAMP – DAY**

ELLIOT and the JANITOR walk up the ramp. The janitor is mid anecdote of the pranks he's played on J.D.

JANITOR  
...And he honestly thought I was going to help him get to her apartment. It wasn't until I dumped him in the crap hole of nowhere he got the idea. 

Elliot breaks up laughing. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, DR. KELSO'S OFFICE – DAY**

J.D. sits opposite DR. KELSO at his desk.

DR. KELSO  
Tell me Dr. Dorian, where exactly is your confusion with the way a hospital works? Let me spell it out for you so there's no more misunderstanding. Sick people walk in, we treat them, we take their money and they leave healthy. Everyone's happy. But obviously you don't quite understand that... 

He continues but is drowned out by... 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
And sometimes it helps to simply vent your frustration at the world. 

**INT. TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT – NIGHT**

TURK and TODD sit on the sofa, playing a console game.

TURK  
Yes! And that would be four to nothing. And that would mean you owe me... 

He writes on a piece of paper. 

TURK (CONT'D)  
Twenty-four bucks. I own yo' sorry ass! 

TODD  
Double or nothing?

TURK  
Or you could just give me all your money right now.

They start the next game. CARLA enters from the front door wearing her coat and purse. 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
And, like I said before, sometimes it's just the little things that keep you going. 

CARLA  
Turk, we need to talk.

TURK  
Two secs baby, while I learn Todd not to toy with the big dog!

CARLA  
Turk, I'm pregnant.

Turk drops his controller in shock. Todd, oblivious, wins the game. 

TODD  
Yes! Bring it home to daddy! 

He looks at Turk as he points his finger and thumb and puts it to his forehead in the "Loser" pose. 

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

**INT. J.D.'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM – DAY**

J.D. lies asleep in his bed. He wakes as his alarm goes off.

# "Back In Black" By AC/DC begins to play #

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Sometimes you know right from the second you open your eyes, it's going to be a good day. 

SERIES OF SHOTS  
1. J.D. picks up the newspaper from his front door. An advertisement down the side of the paper reads "Opening soon: Old Macdonald's Funhouse", with pictures of slides and ball pits. 

J.D.  
Sweet! 

2. He sits eating his breakfast. A slice of toast falls to the floor, it lands butter side up. 

3. He puts on his scrubs and reaches in to the pocket and pulls out a twenty.

J.D.  
Super sweet! 

4. J.D. walks up the entrance ramp on his way to work. An attractive nurse walks past him. 

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Hellooo. 

She checks him out, and gives him a smile. As she goes past he turns to talk to her, but thinks better of it. He looks at his watch. 

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Hmmm, better not. 

He carries on his way into the hospital, with a confident swagger as he passes DR. KELSO. 

5. J.D. walks past a doorway. A mop handle pokes out from the door and hooks his foot. He falls flat on his face. The music stops with a screech as he falls. He quickly picks himself up and looks around to see if anyone saw him. He moves off.

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Still a good day. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM – DAY**

ELLIOT and the JANITOR stand with their backs pressed up against the wall. Elliot holds on to the mop.

JANITOR  
Did you get him? 

She nods and smiles. 

JANITOR  
Well that's the last test, you are now... an honourary janitor. 

ELLIOT  
I've never been happier!

JANITOR  
Listen, I've been trying to think of a few more things we can do, what do you reckon to –

**_INT. J.D.'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM – NIGHT – FANTASY_**

_ELLIOT and the JANITOR stand at the foot of a bed which J.D. lies strapped to, a length of 2x4 between his ankles. Elliot holds a sledgehammer, ala "Misery"._

_J.D.  
Elliot, whatever you're thinking about, don't do it._

_ELLIOT  
Now don't fuss, J.D._

_J.D.  
Elliot, for God's sake, please!_

**RESUME**

JANITOR  
And then you take your sledgehammer and... 

Off her look. 

JANITOR  
Or I could take the sledgehammer... 

Again off her look. 

JANITOR  
Too far? 

She nods and walks out. 

**INT. TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT – DAY**

TURK sits on the sofa in the exact same position as he was when Carla told him she was pregnant. CARLA enters from the bedroom in her robe.

CARLA  
Turk? When did you get up? 

He grunts. She notices he's wearing the same clothes. 

CARLA  
Did you even come to bed last night? 

He grunts again. She sits down next to him. 

CARLA  
Turk? Are you okay? ...Turk! 

He begins grunting repeatedly. She slaps him and he snaps out of it. 

TURK  
Thanks. 

CARLA  
Baby, what are you thinking?

TURK  
I honestly don't know.

CARLA  
Talk to me. Are you scared?

He thinks for a second. He sounds surprised at his answer. 

TURK  
No. No, I'm not. 

CARLA  
Then what is it?

TURK  
It's just... like, I don't know. It's like I don't feel mature enough to be a parent. You know? I mean, I still love watching Scooby Doo. I laugh at people falling over. Hell, it was only last month I figured out how to pee without sprinkling the seat! When I was a kid my parents always seemed like they knew exactly what to do. They always helped me, and they were always there for me. I just... I just don't feel like I'm ready to have that kind of responsibility. I know you are. Hell, baby, you mother me every single day, but I just can't help but doubt myself.

She looks relieved at finally getting it from him. 

CARLA  
Look, baby, I don't think anyone is ever fully ready. I know deep down I'm not, despite what you think. But I believe being a parent is one of those things you learn to do because you have to. 

She puts her arms around him. 

CARLA (CONT'D)  
And don't ever forget, when you're worried, and scared and full of doubt, that's why I'm here. 

They kiss. 

TURK  
So. We're having a baby? 

CARLA  
'Fraid so.

She looks around the apartment. 

CARLA  
When did the Todd leave? 

There's a FLUSH of the toilet. TODD emerges from the bathroom, wet from having a shower with a towel around his waist. 

TODD  
Morning roomies! Best night's sleep I ever had! Who's making the waffles? 

**INT. SACRED HEART, HALLWAY – DAY**

J.D. walks through the hallway toward the nurses station.

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
It's a well known fact that seeing someone smile makes people happier. And today is so good, I feel like smiling! 

J.D. walks through the hallway with an almost deranged smile on his face. 

P.O.V. J.D.

DR. KELSO comes up to him, as if to say something, but sighs and walks off. J.D. continues on passed various staffers, and seeing him, they smile too.

**INT. SACRED HEART, NURSES' STATION - CONTINUOUS**

J.D., still smiling, arrives at the station and stands next to DR. COX. NURSE ROBERTS stands over the counter from them.

DR. COX  
My God Clarabel, do I need to issue you a drug test or would it be easier if I just go ahead and count up the number of pills missing from the pharmacy? 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Of course it only takes one thing to wipe the smile from your face.

NURSE ROBERTS  
Smiley, you might wanna take a look at Mr. Peterson's C.T. results.

She hands J.D. a chart. He flips through it. 

J.D.'S THOUGHTS (V.O.)  
Oh no. 

His smile drops. 

DR. COX  
Still feel like smiling? 

J.D. shakes his head. JORDAN walks along the nearby hallway. She calls to Dr. Cox. 

JORDAN  
Hey sweetie, just F.Y.I., we're having dinner at my mother's tonight. 

She leaves. 

DR. COX  
(to J.D.)  
Welcome to my world. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, CAFETERIA – DAY**

ELLIOT and CARLA sit at a table.

ELLIOT  
Oh my God, Carla! Congratulations! 

She throws her arms around Carla. She takes her seat again, and thinks for a second. 

ELLIOT  
Turk is the father, right? 

Off Carla's look. 

ELLIOT  
Sorry. So, how are you feeling? 

**INT. SACRED HEART, ADMISSIONS – DAY**

TURK and J.D. stand by the desk. DR. COX stands behind them, eavesdropping.

TURK  
I'm all good, man. Took it in my stride. 

**_INT. TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT – NIGHT - FLASHBACK_**

_TURK sits on the sofa, still in his shocked pose. TODD stands next to him, piling cushions and bottles etc. on his lap and on top of his head._

_TODD  
Dude!_

**RESUME**

TURK  
I'm talking, like a pro. 

J.D.  
Dude, Todd showed me the pictures on his phone.

TURK  
Dammit.

Dr. Cox sidles over to them. 

DR. COX  
Relax Gandhi. Remember, there's only three things you absolutely need to have to be a good parent. One, common sense. Two, earplugs. And three, the quickest route from your apartment to the ER. Easy. 

He walks off. Turk shrugs it off and turns back to J.D. 

TURK So anyway, we're having a little celebration tonight, you in? 

**INT. SACRED HEART, CAFETERIA – DAY**

Back with ELLIOT and CARLA.

ELLIOT  
I'd love to! 

CARLA  
So how have you been? We never got a chance to talk yesterday.

ELLIOT  
I kept myself going.

**_INT. SACRED HEART, LOCKER ROOM – DAY - FLASHBACK_**

_J.D. opens his locker and thousands of cotton balls fall out – it was packed to the brim._

**RESUME**

ELLIOT  
I've been busy. 

She half-heartedly laughs. 

CARLA  
Elliot. Remember who you're talking to. 

ELLIOT  
It's just lately, I've found myself thinking back over all the boyfriends I've ever had. And I realised, I'm thirty years old, and I've only been in four relationships that lasted longer than three months. If I hadn't drank two boxes of wine that night and passed out on the floor, I probably would have cried.

Carla looks shocked. Elliot doesn't notice and carries on pouring her soul. 

ELLIOT (CONT'D)  
But it wasn't only that. Of those four guys, there was only one I was really myself with. Who I didn't feel the need to put up some kind of façade, to hide who I really am, you know? 

**INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U. – DAY**

J.D. walks through looking in to the room of MR. PETERSON.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
I knew giving the news to Mr. Peterson was bound to send my good day down the crapper. So I tried to think of ways I could lighten the blow. 

**_INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U. SEMI-PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM – DAY – FANTASY_**

_MR. PETERSON lies in his bed, he's laughing heartily._

_PAN TO_

_J.D. standing at the end of the bed tickling Mr. Peterson's feet with a giant feather._

**RESUME**

J.D.  
Hmmmm, nah. 

**_INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U. SEMI-PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM – DAY – FANTASY_**

_Again in his bed, MR. PETERSON sits up watching J.D. put on a puppet show at the foot of the bed. One of the puppets clubs the other repeatedly with a miniature bat. Mr. Peterson claps._

_J.D.  
(voicing one of the puppets)  
Thank you! Thank you!_

**RESUME**

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
But I knew deep down, it was never going to work. 

Now arrived at the doorway, J.D. takes a breath and enters. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U. SEMI-PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM – DAY**

J.D. sits at the bedside of MR. PETERSON.

MR. PETERSON  
A brain tumor? 

J.D.  
It's the reason behind your fit yesterday, and for your vomiting.

There's a moment of silence as Mr. Peterson takes in his situation. 

MR. PETERSON  
So what are my options? 

J.D.  
There's really two choices. Non-invasive management using Chemotherapy, or surgery. A craniotomy.

MR. PETERSON  
But surgery has more chance of success?

J.D. nods. 

J.D.  
In your case. Although it's possible that the entire tumor may not be fully removed... 

He continues on but is drowned out by... 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
I admired Mr. Peterson, the way he never seemed to let anything affect him. 

MR. PETERSON  
Well, in my time I've learned enough to know that if you don't take a chance every once in a while, you always end up wondering what could have been. So that kinda narrows it down. Surgery.

J.D.  
Okay. I'll get it scheduled in.

MR. PETERSON  
Thank you doctor. For everything.

J.D. stands to leave. 

J.D.  
Can I just ask you something? 

MR. PETERSON  
Shoot.

J.D.  
Do you ever worry about the decisions you make? About whether you're doing the right thing?

MR. PETERSON  
I find it's a lot like when you're in a public toilet. You're in your cubicle, you drop your pants and park your cheeks on the seat, and you realise it's already warm. Now don't get me wrong, it feels kinda nice, but it really is best not to think about it too much.

J.D.  
What a fantastic sentiment.

MR. PETERSON  
I thought so.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
I couldn't help but wonder where I'd be right now if I'd done things differently. But ultimately I think the risks we face come down to fate.

J.D. leaves. 

**INT. TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT – DAY**

TURK and CARLA lay on the couch watching T.V. Turk has his hand on Carla's stomach.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Like when you know your life is about to change forever. 

**INT. SACRED HEART, I.C.U. – NIGHT**

A group of orderlies followed by several surgeons wheel MR. PETERSON's bed back in to the ward. He waves to J.D. as he goes.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Or when your life is in the balance. 

DR. COX approaches him from behind. 

DR. COX  
That's nice job, newbie. Hell, there may just be some hope for you yet. 

**INT. BAR – NIGHT **

TURK and CARLA sit at a table surrounded by TODD, ELLIOT, J.D. and NURSE ROBERTS. There's several empty bottles and glasses already on the table. Elliot looks worse for wear.

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
Or when your feel like your life is going nowhere. 

ELLIOT  
(to Carla, slurring)  
You think I should I go talk to him?

CARLA  
Probably not a good idea.

Elliot points at a man walking passed their table. 

ELLIOT  
Ooh what about that guy? He looks nice. 

She tries to whistle at him but fails. Her eyes roll around in her head as she slumps forward and bangs her head on the table. She's asleep. 

CARLA  
Elliot! 

Carla starts to get up to help Elliot. Turk stops her. 

TURK  
Baby leave her, it's for the best. 

J.D.  
So have you guys thought of any names yet?

J.D. winks at Turk 

CARLA  
No we haven't. 

TURK  
(covering)  
Nope. Not yet.

He signals to J.D. to shut up. 

TODD  
Hey, how about – 

CARLA  
We're not naming the baby after you, Todd. For starters it's a girl.

TURK  
What? How do you know?

CARLA  
Mother's intuition.

TODD  
You could name a girl Todd.

Off their look. 

TODD  
Okay, how about something original. Like 'Texas Pete'?  
(snaps fingers)  
'Howlin' Pete'! 

NURSE ROBERTS  
Explain to me how the hell you are a surgeon.

TODD  
I know. I am a miracle.

Elliot wakes with a start. Everyone jumps. 

ELLIOT  
(slurring)  
Here's to Carla! 

Only she raises her glass and drinks. 

ELLIOT  
To Turk! 

Again she drinks. 

ELLIOT  
Here's to...! To... ! 

And another drink. 

ELLIOT  
Have you guys thought of a name yet? 

J.D. stands. 

J.D.  
Okay Elliot, time to go. I'm taking you home. 

He helps Elliot to her feet. She stands unsteadily. 

ELLIOT  
But I'm having fun! And they don't want me to go. 

She looks at the table. They all look away. 

TURK  
(quietly to J.D.)  
Dude, you don't have to go. Seriously, there's a dumpster outside. We'll just come back and get her in the morning. She'll never know! 

J.D.  
No it's okay. I've an early start tomorrow anyway. Come on Elliot.

TODD  
(quietly to Nurse Roberts)  
Do you think she's drunk enough to have sex with me yet?

Elliot falls to the floor. 

NURSE ROBERTS  
Not even close. 

**EXT. STREET - NIGHT**

ELLIOT sits on a bench. J.D. approaches carrying two cups of coffee. He hands one to Elliot. She's sobered up a little.

ELLIOT  
J.D. we've been out here hours. Can we go home yet? 

J.D.  
Here.

ELLIOT  
Another one? I'm gonna need to pee again if I drink this.

J.D.  
That's okay. There's plenty of other bushes.

They both laugh. 

ELLIOT  
You know, I realised something the other day. 

J.D.  
What's that?

ELLIOT  
Of the men I've been in a relationship with. There was only one person who I truly felt comfortable with. Do you know who?

J.D.  
Elliot stop. Otherwise you're gonna say something you really regret, and you're gonna feel horrible in the morning, and I'm going to feel awkward right now, and it's going to make you want to pee even more than you already do.

ELLIOT  
Yeah, you're probably right.  
(beat)  
It was you.

J.D. looks at her for a second before he leans in to kiss her. The two passionately embrace for a few seconds. 

BRIGHT WHITE FLASH TO:

**EXT. STREET – NIGHT**

J.D. is sitting looking at ELLIOT as he was a few seconds before. It was another fantasy.

ELLIOT  
What are you thinking? 

J.D.  
Nothing.

Elliot reaches her hand to his, and leans forward to kiss him. 

MR. PETERSON (V.O.)  
I've learned enough to know that if you don't take a chance every once in a while, you always end up wondering what could have been. 

J.D. breaks the moment. 

J.D.  
Elliot, I don't think this is a good idea. Look, I know you feel abandoned right now, but I'm not going to take advantage, okay. Elliot, I'm always here for you. As a friend. 

Elliot releases his hand and sits back. J.D. hails a taxi. 

J.D.  
Here you go. Come on. 

He stands. 

ELLIOT  
Thanks J.D. 

She stands and they walk to the taxi. 

J.D.  
Any time. 

Elliot gets in and J.D. closes the door. 

ELLIOT  
We can still share a taxi can't we? 

J.D.  
I think I'm gonna walk home. It's a nice night. Not too far to go.

ELLIOT  
Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

J.D. nods and starts to walk off across the road. 

J.D.'S NARRATION (V.O.)  
And sometimes there's the decisions you make instinctively. 

Behind him Elliot opens the taxi door. 

ELLIOT  
J.D.! Wait! 

J.D. spins around and notices a car heading for Elliot. He runs in to the road. 

P.O.V. CAR

Closing on Elliot. J.D. pushes her out of the way as the headlights intensity increases on him.

CUT TO BLACK

END OF ACT TWO


End file.
